Time
by butterflybeautyrush
Summary: Once Justin arrives in New York, he has a big decision to make. What will he do? And what does Brian think?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: QAF does not belong to me. If it did, episode 5.13 never would have happened, which is why this story exists.

This story is my own version of what happens in and after the series finale. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

Justin handed over the cab fare and slid out of the car, pulling out his luggage and portfolio behind him, white air puffing from his lips. He slammed the door and stepped onto the sidewalk, peering up at the looming building ahead of him and ignoring the blaring horn of a disgruntled driver as the cab pulled out into the busy New York streets. Taking a deep breath, he headed inside and up to the apartment he'd be sharing with Daphne's friend.

He huffed out a breath as he reached the fourth floor landing. His nerves were raging, not because of where he was or who he was about to meet, but because of what it meant. It meant leaving behind his life in the Pitts, at least temporarily, and his life with Brian. It meant a whole new start and the scary daunting task of taking on the art world in the big city. He wasn't even convinced that's what he wanted, but having everyone around you tell you how stupid passing up this opportunity would be is a bit intimidating in itself. Having Brian practically shoving him out the door to pursue his "dreams" didn't make his decision any easier either, but here he was, hoping to take the art world by storm.

Justin knocked on the door and waited, anxiously biting his lip and drumming his fingers against his thigh. The hallway suddenly flooded with light as the door was yanked open and the light jazz music playing within filtered out along with its exuberant occupant. "Hi! You must be Justin! I'm Tammy!" greeted the girl. She wore dark-washed jeans and a long sweater, decorated with a colorful scarf and a high ponytail. Her auburn curls bounced despite their constraint as she bounded forward to drag him into the apartment.

As she closed the door behind them Justin rubbed the back of his neck and returned her excited greeting with an awkward grin. "Uh, yeah. It's really good to meet you. Daphne's told me a lot about you."

"I'm sure!" she laughed, gesturing into the first room. "Well, let me show you around and then you can get settled."

"That'd be great," Justin agreed. He was suddenly hit by a wave of exhaustion, feeling the effects of his early flight. At that thought he winced, remembering his secret and quiet exit that morning and how painful it was to leave Brian behind, especially unaware. As much as he would have liked to say a proper goodbye to his partner, he knew he would probably start sniveling like the 'little faggot' he had once claimed not to be to the very same man. He didn't want to deal with how hard it would be to actually say goodbye to his partner, to see his face, because he knew it would make leaving that much more difficult. While he'd been thinking, Tammy had led him through the few rooms that constituted the city apartment and finally revealed where he would be staying.

"And this is your room. It's not huge or anything but it'll work. I'll leave you to it. If you need anything, I'll be in the living room." With one last smile, she backed out of the doorway, leaving Justin to stare at the small room. Talk about living a minimalist life. The room contained a twin bed, a dresser, a desk, and a miniscule closet. _Brian wouldn't even be able to fit his shoes in there._ Again Justin winced as he thought about his partner. Though he thought about Brian regularly through every day, he was always consoled by the fact that he would be able to see his lover that night. This time, everything was different. He couldn't return to Brian in the evenings or feel the man's arms wrap around him in a comforting embrace after a hard day. He couldn't anticipate the lewd remarks that would roll from his lover's tongue in preparation for a fantastic round of fucking or see the patented lip curl when the older man was attempting to be ridiculously romantic. All he had now was Brian's reassurance that "_It's only time"._

With a heavy sigh, Justin allowed his things to drop to the floor and his body to sink into the mattress of his new bed. He pulled his sketchbook and a pencil from his bag before sliding back against the wall and settling in to draw. After the emotionally tiring day, make that days, all he wanted to do was sketch, to allow the built up feelings to escape onto the page and take shape into something beautiful. He felt drained but wanted to at least get something down before he faced the rest of the day and his new roommate. The girl was extremely pleasant, but feeling as tension-filled as he did now, he didn't want to end up being rude or snapping at her.

For the next hour and a half Justin mindlessly sketched, allowing his thoughts to translate into a very distinct and familiar image. As he pulled back, Justin allowed the dreamlike haze that fell around him when he drew to lift and he examined his work. He sighed. It seemed he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Brian. From the time he was seventeen to now, Brian's image had graced the multitude of sketchbooks and canvases he had filled. Even now, states away from the man, and Justin couldn't prevent himself from recreating him. Justin groaned and set the sketchbook aside, falling face first into the pillow. He clenched his hands into the comforter up by his head and let another frustrated groan fall from his lips. What was wrong with him? He came to New York to further his art career, to fulfill his dreams of being recognized for his work, to become what everyone said he could be, not to remain entrenched in the same work and mentality as before he left. New York was supposed to be completely new and yet he felt a deep sadness fill him at that thought. What was the point of starting over and trying for something supposedly better when he already had everything he wanted? He was recognized for his work in Pittsburgh and a lot of people loved his stuff, so why wasn't that enough. Why was New York supposed to be better? How could it be when his family, his whole life, his partner, above all, was back in Pittsburgh?

Feeling maudlin and altogether depressed, a single tear escaped Justin's eyes before he forced himself to buck up and go meet his roommate out in the living room. It wouldn't do him any good to hide away in his room feeling sorry for himself. He was here to take the art world head on just like the article from Art Forum magazine and Lindsay and everyone else kept telling him he could.

Justin straightened his shirt and then wandered out into the apartment, noticing for the first time, the many playbills and posters that decorated the walls. He smiled despite himself. It seemed Tammy was as invested in theater and acting as Daphne had described.

"Justin!" she exclaimed happily, "Did you get settled? How do you like New York so far? I was thinking we could order dinner soon." The words tumbled out in a seemingly endless rush and Justin blinked in surprise. He paused to take it all in before deciding he liked the girl's energy.

"Uh, not really settled yet. I ended up getting caught up in a sketch," he chuckled with a half smile. Tammy laughed along with him. "As for liking New York, I haven't really seen much of it yet. The cab ride was long but I mostly saw traffic and tons of people. As a matter of fact, the last time I was here I didn't see much of the city either." His cheeks colored lightly at the memory.

"Oh now you have to explain! No one gets that look on their face without a damn good reason! Spill!" Tammy eagerly leaned towards him and curled her legs under her as she bounced on them slightly. Justin laughed as she reminded him so much of Daphne in that moment. He wandered over to the couch and sank into it, spreading his hands out at his sides in a shrug.

"Well, I was seventeen at the time and my boyfriend had just kicked me out. I had left his apartment unlocked accidentally and he got robbed." Justin looked at his feet. "But anyway, he was pissed as hell at me and I decided that the best thing to do would be to runaway to New York and become a go-go boy in Chelsea." Justin's cheeks warmed at the thought. "I stole his credit card, took a plane, and holed up in a hotel. I was so, I don't know, heartbroken? Depressed? that I never even left the room. He drove up and found me the next day and brought me back to the Pitts. End of story." Justin flushed again at the memory of what he had left out, their amazing mini fuck-fest in the hotel. He squirmed uncomfortably for a moment before looking to Tammy. "So how about that dinner?"

She laughed uproariously, first because of the story and then because of his quick subject change, but allowed it all the same. "That's some dramatic life you have Justin! I was thinking Chinese! There's a really awesome place just down the street that we could walk to."

"Sounds good." In the following few hours, Justin and Tammy were able to acquire a substantial amount of junk food and consume the majority of it while lounging on the couch and alternating between talking and watching portions of a really crappy movie. By the end of the evening, Justin felt nearly as comfortable with Tammy as he did Daphne and a couple pounds heavier. _Brian would never have let me eat that much food without at least some teasing for it._ Justin growled under his breath. _Damn it! _ It was apparently impossible for him to separate anything in his life from Brian, even something as mundane as food. He was fucked.

Justin rose from his place on the couch, grabbing some trash from the table to throw away. "I think I'm going to go unpack a little. I'm exhausted." Tammy nodded and turned her attention to the T.V. Justin shuffled into the kitchen, discarding the trash and washing his hands. Tiredly, he walked to his room, running a hand through his hair. He wanted to at least get a few things put away before he crashed. Grabbing a hanger, Justin started hanging his shirts up, unfurling them and cringing at their wrinkled state. He never would have worried about that before meeting Brian. Reaching for the next shirt blindly, Justin was surprised when he found one of Brian's shirts mixed in with his own. In fact, it was the shirt his lover had worn the night before Justin left. He must have grabbed it when he was scrounging around in the dark for his own discarded clothes. His partner's scent still clung to it heavily and Justin inhaled deeply, afraid it would disappear in the next instant. Choosing to abandon his unpacking endeavor, Justin crawled into bed along with Brian's shirt and clung to it tightly as he settled into the foreign mattress. It was comforting to have something of home in this new place. He ached for his lover as he tried to fall asleep. The physical ache for Brian was obviously present. When wasn't it? But the emotional longing he had for his lover in that moment was heart wrenching. He was hit with the strongest bout of homesickness he had ever faced and he didn't know what to do. He buried his face in the fabric of Brian's shirt and clenched his eyes shut, imagining his partner's arms around him and praying for sleep to claim him.

* * *

Justin jerked awake with a sharp inhale. He had been dreaming, and though waking from a dream most often spelt disaster in previous experiences for him, this one had been a good dream. He and Brian had been at Britin, the palace Brian had purchased for his prince. Justin still grinned madly and blushed when he thought of what Brian had said to him that day. In his dream, they had been in the room Justin imagined would be Brian's study, Brian at his desk, Justin on the sofa they would keep there in front of the fireplace. They had simply been spending time together, each doing their own thing, but still together. Brian had gotten up and come over to the couch where he wrapped his arms around Justin's shoulders from behind and rested his hands on his chest. He started nuzzling his neck, then licking, finally nipping his ear lobe before growling out a lusty remark. They had proceeded to lying flat on the sofa, Justin on his back with Brian on top of him, slowly grinding their naked bodies together and kissing passionately. Brian had reached down and grabbed Justin's hand, pushing it up by his head and entwining their fingers. With the other, Brian caressed Justin's side, lightly touching on the one spot he knows is ticklish. Justin giggled into Brian's mouth and wrapped his leg around his lover's hip. They continued to rock against each other for a long time, only slightly picking up the pace as they both neared orgasm. Just as Brian threw his head back in the throes of his climax and Justin was about to follow, he woke up.

Justin noticed right then that his nose was quite literally buried in Brian's shirt, the scent infiltrating his senses. No wonder he had dreamed of Brian. Justin reached down to palm his now raging erection, thinking back on the dream to bring himself off. As he settled back into the mattress, near boneless from the release, he thought of Brian and what he might be doing. Would he be sleeping at the loft? Or would he be out with the gang? Or maybe, and Justin winced a little inside, though he fought not to feel the jealousy, maybe Brian was out at Woody's or Babylon looking for a trick. Justin sighed. He couldn't really say what Brian would be doing. The man was so unpredictable in times like these, instances where his emotions are high. His reactions never quite match what anyone expects of him, even Justin, though he desperately hoped Brian hadn't moved on that quickly.

A small, but quickly growing part of his conscience wanted Brian to hurt a little. Wanted the man to miss him, even pine for him. And though that may be an overly romantic notion, Justin's heart refused to give up the longing for Brian to want him, to miss him and not try to replace him. Being away from his older lover was going to be more difficult than Justin had anticipated. Not only would he have to contend with missing the man, he would always be wondering what he was doing while Justin was away. Would the time apart hurt them? Would they grow away from each other? Justin didn't know. And he didn't particularly want to find out. But how could he reconcile his art and maintaining his relationship with Brian in a way that wasn't such an emotional strain?

Justin clenched Brian's shirt in his hand and brought it to his face once more, inhaling deeply. He wanted so badly to feel his partner wrapped around him right then. Brian would never admit to cuddling of any sort, but Justin knew that in the after throes of sex and often while asleep, the older man would pull him close and hold their bodies tightly together. Justin had woken on multiple occasions to find himself being curled more closely against Brian's body and he always went gladly. This time though, Justin found himself in a small cold bed, devoid of his partner and the warmth that always radiated from him.

Sitting up, Justin dangled his feet over the side of the bed until they reached the floor and turned on the light. He reached for his sketchbook and flipped through it. So many of the pages were filled with depictions of Brian, some of Brian and other people, but mostly Brian doing any of a number of things throughout the day. Finding one of his more recent sketches, he traced his finger along the line of Brian's jaw.

Justin suddenly wished he could talk to Brian, to hear his husky voice drawl through the speaker of his phone. He clenched his teeth together. It had only been a day. Not even twenty-four hours and Justin was longing to speak to and be with his lover again. If so little time had passed and Justin yearned for Brian already, how could he think to get through the next week or months like Brian said? Brian had said they might never see each other again, that "_It's only time"_, but Justin couldn't see it that way. He couldn't fathom the thought of never seeing Brian again. It hurt too much. It wasn't just time. It was time away from the life he loved, the man he loved.

And it was then, Justin knew.

* * *

TBC

This is my first story in Queer as Folk. As a lover of the show, I was really nervous to even attempt writing for it. Let me know how I did?

Next chapter should be out soon!


	2. Chapter 2

The second chapter is here! A little shorter than the last one, but still more to come. Enjoy!

* * *

In the hours just after dawn, Brian roused from his light sleep and reached to the other side of the bed. He abruptly pulled his hand back, feeling stupid and ridiculous for forgetting that his partner had left. The morning before had been excusable. He hadn't realized that Justin would leave while he was asleep and so reaching for him that morning hadn't been implausible. This morning however, was a different story. It was intolerable that he would make such a lesbionic move. He scowled and turned over, exposing his back to the cold and empty side of the bed.

Brian would not allow himself to dwell on his missing partner. He would avoid thinking about him for now and go back to sleep.

Rather than drifting off like he had hoped however, Brian felt a chill run over his back, a sensation that mimicked how he felt right then. _This is ridiculous._ He didn't want to miss Justin, to want to hold him again and kiss him. He wanted to send him off to New York and be able to forget, and if not forget, at the very least, ignore the fact that the most important person in his life, his son aside, was missing. Grunting in anger at himself, Brian rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, stumbling over to his liquor cart and ignoring the cold wood beneath his bare feet. He fumbled for a tumbler of Beam and gulped it down despite the early hour. He hated feeling this way, feeling lost and depressed. He despised these emotions and the fact that the stupid blonde twink had changed everything. At one point in his life, he would have been able to ignore such emotions, to block them out and substitute them for much more pleasurable ones, but this time, he was floundering. He couldn't figure out how to block them out anymore and it was driving him crazy. He swallowed another mouthful of the alcohol.

Setting the glass down and heading back towards his bed in the hopes of falling into unconsciousness, Brian was surprised to hear a banging on the loft door. _What the actual fuck?_ When it stopped, he briefly contemplated ignoring it and returning to bed, but almost as soon as the thought crossed his mind, the pounding picked up again.

Growling, Brian stomped over to the door and yanked it open, his hands falling to his sides as he blinked in surprise and confusion. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

* * *

When Tammy woke up, she expected to find her new roommate still sleeping. It was still early and Tammy had to be up to go to work, though she wished desperately that she could sleep in. Instead, she was surprised to find him apparently out already, his bed made and the door open. She shrugged, blearily wandering into the kitchen. She supposed that Justin must be one of those peculiar early risers because no sane person gets up willingly before the sun. Tammy opened the fridge and pulled out the orange juice, grabbing a glass from the cabinet. She poured herself a full glass and took a couple sips before noticing the white slip of paper in the middle of the table.

* * *

As the door opened in front of him, Justin's body tensed and his mouth turned down in a scowl. He heard the murmur of words being spoken, but he had something he wanted to get out first.

"Fuck you!"

"Wha-" was all Brian managed before Justin shoved his way into the loft.

"Fuck you!" Justin repeated, spinning around, his eyes wild. "Fuck time! And fuck you!" He was shouting in Brian's face now, his own cheeks flushed red. On his flight back, his desperation to return home to his partner turned to anger. Anger at Brian for not trusting him to make the right decisions for his own life and anger at himself for allowing others to influence him into leaving.

Brian scrubbed a hand over his face and dragged his fingers through his hair in confusion, raising an eyebrow. It was too early for this. "I'll repeat. What the fuck are you doing here?" His voice was tired, drawn, nothing like his normal husky timbre.

Justin only became angrier at the question, his hands curling into fists at his sides. "Why am I here? You want to know Brian? I'm here because I decided my asshole partner doesn't get to ship me off to a fucking different state so I can be happy! Fuck you for shoving me out the door, for not believing me when I told you I had everything I wanted here! For-for telling me that "it's only time"." He snarled out the last part. His breath hitched in his throat as he thought about those words again. His tone softened. "I never wanted New York, Brian. That was never my dream. So I wanted some recognition. That didn't mean I couldn't have that here!"

"So why'd you go?" Brian challenged.

Justin clenched his fists tighter. "I went because everyone told me I had to, that I would regret it if I didn't go, and that I would be stupid to let this opportunity pass. I went because you practically forced me out the door." He took a deep breath to calm himself. "And maybe a small part of me thought it would be a good idea. Lindsay sure made it sound like it would be the best thing I could ever do. Problem was, almost as soon as I got there, I didn't want to be there. I missed you and being home and I was fucking terrified that being there might mean you and I wouldn't make it, that you would make yourself forget about me." His voice petered out.

"Not fucking likely." Brian growled, outraged. "Why would you think that?"

Justin looked at his feet for a long moment before staring up at his partner, his voice a little calmer now, a little steadier. "Maybe because you told me we might never see each other again, the "it's only time" bullshit spiel you gave me not even two nights ago. I ignored what you said at the time because I knew we were both trying to cope with the idea of me leaving. Thing is, that's all that's been repeating in my head since I walked out and closed the door behind me. I don't want there to be time between us Brian. I want to be with you. I always have." The lump that had started forming in Justin's throat a little while earlier was growing, making it impossible for him to speak. He sniffed.

"Shit. Don't cry. Come here."

"I'm not fucking crying," Justin denied obstinately, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Right. Would you just…come over here." Brian waited patiently until Justin approached him, preparing to open up slightly to his younger lover. "I didn't want you to go…I've been a fucking mess since you left." He paused turning his head to the side. "We're utterly pathetic." He groused under his breath.

"Then why did you practically force me to go?"

Brian reached out to tip Justin's chin up. He breathed deeply, bracing himself for what he had to say next. "I didn't want you to resent me one day when you realized how great your art career could have been if you had gone to New York. I didn't want to hold you back, to unintentionally keep you from doing something so important." His lips curled inwards as he finished speaking, the strain of actually explaining his feelings taking its toll.

"Brian Kinney, you are an amazing man, however dimwitted you can be."

"Excuse me?" The belligerent tone returned to Brian's voice.

"Haven't I been telling you all along that _you_ are what I want? Having my art recognized and having people actually want to buy it is amazing, but if you hadn't noticed, that's already happening here. So what if I'm not displaying my stuff in some bigwig gallery? I have what I want right here in Pittsburgh…and West Virginia, if we're keeping it."

Brian's eyes widened incredulously as his mouth twisted into a smirk, before he reached out and tugged his younger and smaller lover into his arms. Without another word, their lips met and Brian relentlessly slid his hands up and down Justin's body in a searching caress, a touch that was arousing as well as reassuring for them both.

"So was that a yes?" Justin managed breathlessly between heated kisses.

"You better fucking believe it Sunshine."

* * *

Tammy had to laugh as she read through the note. It had been obvious the day before that Justin was infatuated with his lover, but after reading the note he left, she had to wonder why he had ever come to New York in the first place.

_Tammy,_

_It was great getting to know you yesterday and I know I was supposed to be your new roommate, but I've realized I don't belong here. My heart is still in Pittsburgh and I know I'll never be happy if I stay here. Sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but I had to get back right away. Good luck conquering the theater world and thanks for everything._

_-Justin_

Guess it's time to find a new roommate.

* * *

TBC

Poor Tammy...all on her own now. But our boys are back together!

Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

The third installment is finally here! Smut and Fluff ahead, because what would QAF be without some smut?

Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

At the loft, Brian had Justin pinned against the back of the couch, his smaller body lifting to rest lightly on the top ledge. Justin's arms were wrapped around Brian's neck, pulling him closer and straining to deepen the kiss. His legs lifted to embrace Brian's waist as his back arched to press their bodies more tightly against each other. He moaned.

"Fuck, Justin," Brian murmured into his mouth. With a nip to Justin's lip and a short growl, he hefted the younger man into his arms, encouraging him to cross his legs behind his back and cling to him. Brian quickly maneuvered his way to the raised bedroom and gently settled Justin onto the bed on his back, his own body settling over top of his blonde lover's.

In an almost uncharacteristic move, Brian slid his hand through Justin's hair, reveling in the silkiness of the strands and marveling that this man was still by his side, even now, five years after their first time. He cupped the side of Justin's face and began pressing light kisses over the exposed skin, touching first on his forehead, then his nose, chin, cheeks, eyelids, one, then the other, and finally his lips once more.

Justin's toes curled at the overtly romantic action as a blush flooded his cheeks. He had to pull away from their intense kiss for a moment as a smile broke out on his lips. He stared up at Brian awestruck and stroked the man's cheek with the backs of fingers. "You are truly amazing Mr. Kinney."

Brian scoffed. "Clearly. You couldn't stay away for more than twenty-four hours."

Justin chuckled. He couldn't believe he had gone to New York and left this man. He had known that leaving was a mistake and yet he'd gone anyway. He was just thankful he'd decided to come back before he lost time with this amazing man presently on top of him. "Bri" he sighed, and then whispered, "I love you."

Brian's lips turned up in a half smile, the hand not currently cradling his face securing itself to his hip, searching out the heated skin beneath the waistband of his pants. The brunette stared intently at his partner for a long moment before returning the sentiment. "I love you too, Sunshine." Justin grinned happily and Brian was elated to see the return of his sunshine smile. "So, twat…is your queen-out over?"

Justin lightly punched Brian in the chest before wrapping his fingers around the nape of the man's neck and pulling him down. Right before their lips touched he answered, "As long as you don't plan on making me leave anytime soon."

"Never," Brian vowed solemnly as he sealed their lips together.

After a few moments, Justin pulled away. "Good! Now can we have hot make-up reunion sex?" He grinned impishly.

"Twat!" Brian laughed. "It's only been a day."

"So? We planned for it to be longer and technically we were apart so….I'm demanding reunion sex." His lips turned down in a pout and Brian couldn't help but want to suck on the bottom one. So he did.

A few minutes later, flushed and breathing heavily, Justin reiterated his demand. Brian laughed again, "Your wish is my command, my prince."

Justin's breath hitched at the endearment and his eyes glazed with unshed tears. "Shit…" he sniffed. Every time. Every time he heard Brian call him his prince he got emotional. He never thought he'd hear those kinds of endearments from his older and jaded lover, but he had and Brian continued to surprise him.

Justin forced himself to ignore his sappy emotional side as Brian once more planted a kiss on his lips. His older lover pushed himself to his knees, never breaking the kiss as he reached to begin undoing the buttons on Justin's shirt. With each new button released, Brian swept further down Justin's body, pressing wet, biting kisses to the newly revealed skin. Justin arched his back to press his chest against Brian's mouth, a moan tumbling from his swollen lips.

No matter how many other people he had hooked up with over the years, no one could ever make him feel the way Brian does or elicit the same reactions. The simplest kisses or caresses were like silk against his body and evoked breathy pants, loud moans, and heated whispers from his lips. He was helpless to stop them.

In this moment, he clutched a hand to the back of Brian's neck, the other restlessly flitting from Brian's fabric covered shoulder, to the sheets beneath him, and up to twist into Brian's hair. After a seemingly long time spent on his shirt, Brian pulled Justin upright and helped him slide it off of his shoulders, flinging it aside as he again captured the blonde's lips, his hands clasping the sides of Justin's chest, thumbs flicking over his nipples. Justin gasped into Brian's mouth and reached for the front of the older man's shirt. He fumbled through unbuttoning the barrier between them before gliding his hands over Brian's shoulders to push it off. Brian yanked it the rest of the way off and reached for the waistband of his sweats, Justin's hands flying to his jeans to undo the button.

Pulling apart, they quickly shed their pants and underwear, reveling in each other's bodies as they were unveiled. "Christ, Justin."

Quickly, Brian climbed back on top of his lover, sighing with contentment as their naked skin slid together. Justin immediately wrapped his arms around Brian's neck and pulled him down into a kiss. As the heat continued to build between them, Brian reached to the side table for a condom and the bottle of lube. Rising to his knees, he prodded Justin's legs apart, sliding his hands feather light over the sensitive skin of his thighs. Another gasp exited Justin's throat and he bit his lip when Brian's fingers finally aimed for his entrance.

Coated in lube, Brian entered one finger into Justin, slowly sliding it in and out until Justin's breath caught in his throat and he pushed back on the digit. Needing no more encouragement, Brian proceeded to add another and finally the last when he felt Justin was ready.

Despite their frequent activities, Brian always thoroughly prepared his younger lover. Ever since that first time together when Justin had told him to "go slow", Brian was careful to take the time and do it properly. There was a sensuality in it, an intimacy only present between them that Brian reveled in and desired every time they were together, though he'd never admit it aloud.

Feeling that Justin was more than ready for him to move on, evident in his repeated wetting of his lips and the flush across his chest, Brian removed his fingers. "Ready, Sunshine?" he whispered, pumping Justin's erection a few times before putting on the condom and stroking his own cock with lube. He smirked at the nearly irritated look that graced his younger lover's face.

Justin raised his legs, preparing to settle them over Brian's shoulders as he said, "What do _you_ think?"

A half smile graced Brian's face. He helped Justin settle his legs and braced himself over the blonde's body, sliding inside him in one solid movement. They both groaned loudly at the reunion of their bodies, Justin's hands rapidly moving to clutch at Brian's shoulders. Their separation may have been brief, but in this moment they were able to shed the intense emotions raised from the last few days.

Groaning, Justin rocked his hips, desperate to feel all of Brian, wanting nothing more than for his older lover to start moving. Brian leaned down to claim Justin's lips and gently withdrew from the smaller man's body. He sucked the blonde's bottom lip between his teeth and nibbled before releasing it and roughly thrusting back inside, forcing a sharp gasp from Justin. He repeated the motion evenly a few more times before picking up the pace and rapidly slamming his hips forward and back. Breathy pants erupted from Justin's lips, his toes curling in the air above their bodies, and his knuckles turning white from the force of their grip on Brian's shoulders. A loud moan of "Briiiaaan" was pulled from his mouth as the older man drilled repeatedly into his prostate.

"Like that Justin?" Brian asked rhetorically between kisses before pulling away only a few inches, sliding his hand down between their bodies to slowly stroke Justin's cock. He stared down at the blonde, amazed by how content and happy he was to still be with him after all this time. "Beautiful," he whispered before sealing their mouths together again, a blush rising in Justin's cheeks. Their hips were moving in tandem and Justin disconnected their lips to throw his head back on one particularly hard thrust. The muscles in his neck strained against the movement, his mouth open in a wordless cry. The sweat dripping down his neck glistened and called to Brian so strongly he immediately stooped to drag his tongue along the pale column. He nipped at the sensitive skin and trailed kisses up to Justin's ear, nuzzling the soft skin behind it.

With a whimper, Justin turned back to face Brian and desperately sought his lips, his nails clawing into the bronzed skin of his lover. Their hips were rocking erratically by then and in seconds, Justin was crying out his orgasm into Brian's mouth, sticky white spurting out to coat his and the older man's heaving chests. Brian moved a hand to cup Justin's cheek and, staring directly into his eyes, followed the younger man over the edge.

As the tension receded from both of their bodies, Brian guided Justin's legs back down to the mattress and rolled to his hip briefly to remove the condom, tossing it aside, to immediately reclaim his position on top of Justin. He cradled Justin's smaller frame in his long arms, pressing a deep kiss to his lips. Justin eagerly returned the kiss, and slid his own arms around Brian's back to pull him closer. After the events of the last forty-eight hours, he felt more content than he imagined was possible. "I love you, Brian," he whispered into his older lover's mouth, not stopping to wait for a response, but instantly tangling their tongues together.

Minutes later, Brian pulled back, lifting a hand to stroke Justin's cheek. "You know I do too," he whispered huskily. He may have met his quota for using the "L" word that day, but he would never pass up the chance again to tell Justin he returned his feelings. He'd lost him too many times to ever take the chance.

"I know," Justin smiled back. He stroked his hands up and down Brian's sides. "So we're keeping Britin?" He asked hopefully, his eyes shining.

Brian smirked back at him, ducking down to lick a stripe up Justin's neck. The blonde giggled. "We're keeping it," Brian reassured his younger lover. Justin's grin in response lit up the room and Brian felt his heart jump in his chest. He would do everything in his power to see that smile every day.

With another gentle kiss, Brian rolled off of Justin and sat up, reaching for a pair of jeans. "Where are you going? Justin pouted. A chill rushed over his body in Brian's absence, goose bumps rising on his skin.

Brian's lips quirked up in a half smile at the sight. He retreated into the bathroom and came back moments later, a damp cloth dangling from his fingers. His own chest now mess free, he gently mopped up the drying come that coated Justin's skin. Throwing the towel into the bathroom, he looked to Justin who was still sporting a small frown. He reached out a hand and brushed down Justin's chest to his stomach, stopping before he reached his cock so as not to tempt himself. Leaning down, he captured Justin's lips in another kiss. "As much as I would love to stay here in bed with you all day, you weren't supposed to be here. I have plans to meet the guys at the diner."

"Oh," Justin replied mournfully. His arms curled in around his chest, shielding himself from the cold settling over his body and the mild hurt from Brian's rejection. He forced his face to remain impassive.

Brian stood and buttoned his pants, bending down to snatch up a shirt. Yanking it over his head and into place, he grabbed his cowry shell bracelet off the side table and fastened it, looking around for his shoes at the same time.

Justin blinked repeatedly, tightening the hold of his arms on himself. Brian glanced up as he pulled on his second shoe.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Sunshine? Get dressed." He stood to his full height and stared down at his blonde lover, one eyebrow lifting.

Justin blushed. "Oh," he murmured, hurriedly standing and pulling on his clothes, ducking his head so he wouldn't have to look Brian in the face. He felt stupid. One day, and suddenly he thought Brian was going to leave him on his own? He felt ridiculous. Shaking his head to dispel the feelings of hurt and embarrassment, Justin, now dressed, walked out of the room to meet Brian at the front door. "Let's go then."

Brian bit his lip to prevent a smirk from appearing on his face. He knew exactly what Justin had thought was happening before and he thought the younger man's reaction was adorable, though he'd never admit to it.

In the corvette, Justin turned to stare out the window, drumming the fingers of his left hand on his thigh. Brian, glancing at his lover, reached out and settled his hand over Justin's, hoping to calm him. He twined their fingers together and rested them over Justin's knee, immensely happy that the younger man was back where he belonged. "I'm glad you came back," he whispered.

Startled, Justin turned to face him, a brilliant smile slowly spreading across his face. "Me too," he whispered back, tightening his fingers in Brian's.

* * *

TBC

There you have it! My first foray into a Brian/Justin smutfest. And of course some fluff.

As always, the next chapter should be posted soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Little bits of fluff and smut ahead! Enjoy!

* * *

About to step inside the vibrant diner, Justin grabbed at Brian's hand, his own palms suddenly sweaty. His heart was pounding in his chest, his lower lip turning red from the pressure of his teeth.

Lifting an eyebrow, Brian turned to him, though he didn't pull away. "You okay?"

"I-Just a little nervous, I guess." Justin rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging. "I'm supposed to be in New York after all. I just don't want everyone to think I chickened out."

"So tell'm to fuck off. It's none of their fucking business."

"Brian…." He sighed.

"Well what do you want me to say, Sunshine? They're going to think what they want."

"Yeah, I guess it's that everyone's always thought I'm your little follower, the eager puppy that does whatever you want. I don't want them to think that. I want them to know the truth, that I never actually wanted to be there in the first place."

"So tell them that then, Justin. You've always done what you want. They should know that about you by know." He tapped Justin's chin with his forefinger. "But if you're finished queening out, I'd really like to go in now. Everyone's waiting." To soften his words, he pulled Justin close to him, leaving a lingering kiss on his lips before pulling back and dragging the blonde into the diner. The bell jingled overhead and Justin flinched. "Relax Justin! No one's going to be upset that you came back."

Justin took a deep breath. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Just relax." He squeezed the sweaty palm clasped in his, choosing to skip the "sorry is bullshit" speech for now. It was exceedingly evident how nervous his blonde lover was right then. They started heading back towards the booth where the guys were sitting.

"Sunshine!" The shriek echoed through the small establishment. Debbie rushed out from behind the counter, embracing the smaller of the two and patting Brian on the cheek. "What are you doing here honey? Aren't you supposed to be living it up in the big apple?" She smacked her gum, waiting for an answer. By then, the rest of the group had zeroed in on the two men and was listening intently.

Heat rushed to Justin's cheeks at the sudden attention. "Yeah, Deb. I decided I didn't really want to be there and came back." He was clutching Brian's hand in a death grip.

Debbie shot Brian a look. "Are you sure Brian here didn't influence your decision?" she asked, gesturing towards him with her red-lacquered thumb.

Brian rolled his eyes and Justin squeezed his hand. "No Deb. He's the one who practically shoved me out the door to go. I decided all on my own that it wasn't for me."

The red-haired woman hesitated. "As long as you're happy Justin."

Justin smiled, reaching out a hand to rest on Debbie's shoulder. "I am. Really."

"Okay then. What can I get you boys?" She snapped back into waitress mode. Brian and Justin rattled off their orders and slid into the booth with the rest of the gang, practically on top of each other.

"So you're really staying here baby?" Emmett asked, leaning over the table.

Justin nodded. "Yeah. I got there and realized that I was making the stupidest decision of my life."

"What do you mean?" Michael interjected.

Justin cast a sideways glance at Brian. "I was giving up my home, my family, for something I never even wanted in the first place. Knowing that, I couldn't stay there, so I came back." He shrugged. Brian dropped a light kiss on his lips in reassurance, securing his hand around Justin's right hip. The younger man leaned into him and sighed.

"Well it's good to have you back Justin," Ben affirmed, the rest of the group nodding and offering their own statements of welcome, though Michael looked vaguely skeptical.

After that, the gang seemed to break out of their daze. The conversation started flowing and Justin's decision was forgotten. When Deb set their food in front of them, the group chorused a "thank-you" and Justin smiled gratefully at the older woman.

Justin was only sad to feel Brian's hand leave his hip, a chill settling over the area. Instead, he wound his hand around Brian's thigh, molding his fingers into the curve under his knee.

Brian glanced at him but allowed the touch. He understood the strong desire to stay in constant contact after the last few days. Following the emptiness they'd both experienced in the other's absence, they couldn't get enough of touching each other and reestablishing their bond. All through lunch, Justin's hand stayed put, never once abandoning its position.

As everyone finished eating, they started leaving a little at a time. Michael and Ben, who sat directly across from them, excused themselves to go back home, leaving behind some money for their meals. Ben had some grading to get done and Michael needed to get to the store to do some inventory. Emmett was next to go, sliding out from the far end of the opposite booth.

"Call me soon baby, okay? We need to get together."

"Sure, Em. I'll call you in a few days." Justin smiled. He was always happy to hang out with their eccentric friend.

"Alright! See you all later! Ta!" He scampered out of the diner.

"I should probably be on my out too," said Ted from his seat next to Justin.

"Already Theodore?" Brian questioned sarcastically.

Ted rolled his eyes. "Yeah, now let me out." Justin started to move, nudging Brian, but was stopped short.

Brian leaned around Justin to face their timid friend. "Actually, I have something to talk to you about."

Ted opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Um, what is it." He swallowed, slightly nervous. He was never sure what to make of Brian. As long as they'd known each other and as long as he'd been under the man's employ, Brian was still able to shock him most of the time and often sent his nerves tingling.

"I need you to take over the meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning. I'm taking the day off."

"Me? Bri, I don't know–"

"I'm telling you, Theodore, not asking. You're doing the presentation. I won't be in."

Ted raised his hands in defeat. "Okay! Whatever you say Bri! Now I need to go." This time, Brian stood, allowing Justin to stand up behind him. Ted set down his share of the bill and hurried out.

"I wonder where he's off to in such a hurry," Justin commented.

Tossing down some cash, Brian gestured for Justin to move ahead of him. "Probably to his tweaked out twink. Let's get going."

"Brian," Justin scolded, shaking his head. They both knew Blake had gotten clean, but his older lover never failed to bring it up when possible. Brian just shrugged and nudged Justin forward.

Outside the door, he tucked Justin into his side and whispered in his ear. "Let's move a little faster Sunshine. I've got plans for us back at the loft."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Justin answered huskily, reaching for Brian's hand once more and tugging him along behind him to the car.

In the vette, Justin eagerly buckled himself and waited for Brian to climb in and start the car. He was practically bouncing in his seat. Brian pulled out onto the road, glancing at the vibrating blonde. "Too much sugar this morning Sunshine?" he asked, tongue pressed into the side of his mouth.

Justin's lids lowered to half-slits. "Mmm, maybe so. I'm thinking I need a little protein to balance it." With no other warning, Justin ducked out from the top part of the seatbelt and leaned over, unzipping Brian's pants and licking his lips simultaneously. He reached inside the opening and drew out his lover's erection, swiping his thumb over the tip.

Brian groaned. "We're going to be back at the loft in a few minutes. Think you can manage?"

Justin huffed out a breath over the heated flesh. "Oh yeah," he murmured before taking the head into his mouth. He darted his tongue into the slit and wrapped his fist tightly around the shaft, starting to pump quickly.

A small gasp escaped Brian's lips and the older man dropped a hand to the back of Justin's head, winding his fingers into the silky strands of hair. He had to fight the urge to shove his head back against the seat and focus on maneuvering the car through traffic. When the suction abruptly intensified a brief time later, and he felt himself rapidly disappearing into the tight heat of Justin's throat, he clenched his fingers, pulling at the blonde hair in both protest and encouragement. If he let his younger lover continue, he knew it would take him a very short time to reach his peak, but he also wanted nothing less than to stop the pleasure Justin was giving him.

With a mental smirk, Justin jerked against Brian's grip and took him deeper, knowing intuitively the struggle currently plaguing his partner. In that moment there was nothing he wanted more than to make him lose control. Swallowing around the length in his throat, Justin's eyes watered, though he forced the mild discomfort aside and did it again as he used his free hand to roll Brian's balls in his palm. He bobbed his head determinately, wanting desperately to get Brian off, refusing to acknowledge the strain of breathing around the cock in his throat and the seat buckle digging into his hip.

"God, Justin!" Brian groaned as his hips lifted a fraction off the seat. He was almost at the corner of Tremont and so, so close to coming. He was fighting to keep his eyes from rolling back, a fight he was just barely winning. As he pulled to a stop outside the building, Justin sucked him in deep one last time, his cheeks hollowed around the length. Finally able to take his focus off the road, Brian threw his head back and allowed his eyes to close, gasping as his hips surged upwards and he came. His whole body shook for a moment as he rode out his high, the tension slowly dissipating. "That was hot," he said, breath heavy, finally looking down at Justin who was still in his lap. The blonde lapped at the last remnants of come on Brian's cock and pulled back, peering up with a proud grin.

As Justin sat up, Brian shifted the car into park and turned it off. Glancing over at the passenger seat, he noticed the blonde wince when he unbuckled himself. "What's wrong, Sunshine?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." Justin smiled, brushing off his lover's concern. He started to open the door, eager to go inside, but Brian stopped him, gripping his arm.

"That wasn't nothing. What's wrong?"

"My hip hurts. The buckle was pinching me. It's fine." Again, he tried to get out of the car.

"Let me see." Brian made no move to get up.

"Brian…" Justin sighed. When Brian simply flattened his lips and raised an eyebrow, Justin sighed again. With a roll of his eyes, he lifted up his shirt and pulled the waistband of his pants down, exposing the tender skin. The sore area was a bright red, but otherwise void of any bruising. "I told you Brian; nothing."

"Fine," he conceded, "but next time you tell me if something hurts."

Justin released his clothing and nodded his agreement. As much as he expressed his annoyance outwardly, he couldn't help but feel pleased that Brian cared so much. Not even a year ago, Brian would never have shown so much concern. Times like this just revealed how much Brian had changed over the last few years and Justin felt his heart jumping around in his chest in happiness, a grin spreading across his face that he couldn't stifle.

"Alright, let's go stud!" Justin was already on the curb, bouncing on the balls of his feet by the time Brian opened his door.

Climbing out, Brian allowed a half-smile to creep across his face as he locked the car, stepping up to Justin and wrapping his arms around his waist. He nuzzled the blonde's neck and nibbled on his earlobe, pressing a wet kiss to the sensitive area directly below. He whispered heatedly, "I'm gonna fuck you, Sunshine. Gonna fuck you so hard."

A sound unlike anything Brian had ever heard before erupted from Justin's throat. Brian's words and the ticklish sensation of the whisper combined to force a groan and a giggle out of Justin at the same time. Brian pulled back to stare at him incredulously, raising an eyebrow. He couldn't tell if that sound was encouraging or insulting. Justin's cheeks flooded with heat, his fingers now nervously fiddling with the hem of Brian's shirt. "Time to go inside, little boy." He stepped back and grabbed Justin's hand, pulling him inside the building.

Inside the elevator, Justin pressed himself against Brian, leaning up for a deep kiss and tugging at the buttons on his shirt with one hand, the other wrapped around Brian's neck. Neither of them noticed when the lift came to a stop.

* * *

TBC

I'm hoping with as much progress as Brian made through the series, he's not too out of character in my story.

Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

The final chapter is here! This one's a bit longer than the rest, so enjoy! A little more smut and fluff ahead. It seems to be unavoidable with these two...

* * *

That evening, after a few more rigorous rounds of fucking and a lazy afternoon spent flipping aimlessly through shows on T.V., the two lovers were sprawled across the couch, Justin sleepily resting between Brian's legs, his head on his chest. Brian was slowly stroking the blonde's skin, tracing his nails lightly up and down the sensitive flesh of his forearm, his other hand secured around Justin's waist. Justin hummed low in his throat. "Feel good, Sunshine?" Brian rasped.

"Mmmm…." Justin murmured, nuzzling his head underneath Brian's chin like a contented cat. Brian chuckled, happy to continue his gentle ministrations, and pressed a soft kiss to his younger lover's temple. He loved feeling Justin in his arms, and a sleepy, affectionate Justin was simply irresistible. Just then, Justin's stomach rumbled and he squirmed in Brian's lap.

"Sounds like we need to feed the monster that is your stomach," he joked, using his left hand to tickle Justin's belly. A choked laugh escaped the blonde.

"Hey!" he protested with a gasp. Justin clamped his hands down on Brian's roaming fingers, hoping to stop the tickling sensation. "Brian!" He was short of breath now, cheeks turning red.

"Alright, alright. I'll stop…for now." Brian stopped his torment. "What do you want to eat?" He couldn't stop a brief snicker at Justin's expense.

Justin huffed, his body relaxing back against his larger lover. He tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to the bottom of Brian's chin. "How 'bout…you," He grinned.

"Cheeky little shit." Brian curled his lips into his mouth and wrapped his arms tightly around Justin's waist, tucking his face into the blonde's shoulder.

Justin stifled another laugh, moaning as Brian's tongue snuck out to meet his collarbone. "Let's order Thai and have it delivered. I don't want to move." His head tilted to the side to allow Brian more access, eyes fluttering closed as Brian's teeth nibbled the sensitive skin, breath becoming heavy.

"Mmm, go ahead," Brian conceded, continuing on his path up Justin's neck. He fumbled for the phone, which lay on the coffee table to their right and dropped it into Justin's lap.

The blonde's eyes shot open and dropped to the weight on his thighs. He groaned. "You expect me to call?" he whined, his breath catching as Brian again nipped at the skin behind his ear.

"Yeah Sunshine. Make the call. I've got my own meal right here."

Justin squirmed, trying to distance himself from his amorous lover as he dialed the familiar number. "Yes, hello? I'd like to place an order for-" He jerked forward. "Brian, stop it!...Sorry sir. Yes, delivery please. I'd like-Brian!" Red rose high on his cheeks, arousal flooding his system and overriding any anger that tried to surge forward. Prying Brian's hands off of his waist, he wiggled away, just enough to rattle off his list of requests without interruption, before Brian seized him around the hips again as he pressed 'end'. "Brian! I sounded like an idiot!"

Brian was distracted by the flush spreading down Justin's neck and across the top of his chest. "So what? He doesn't know you. Now, come here," he growled.

"Bri," Justin protested again mildly. When Brian leaned in to capture the blonde's lips though, all protests died and he eagerly accepted the kiss.

Minutes later, Brian had Justin pushed flat on his back on the couch, legs splayed wide to accept the brunette's weight between them and hands pushed above his head. The older man pulled back to stare at Justin, pleased at how easily he could affect him. The blonde's lips were swollen and pink, puffing out hot breaths of air, his eyes heavily lidded. His erection was straining against the confines of his sweats and he strained his head upward, seeking out Brian's lips again. Brian teased him briefly, leaning farther away and Justin's eyes narrowed, his mouth turning down in a frown. Brian smirked and sank back down, lapping lightly at the plush lips.

Just as Justin rocked his hips up to meet his lover's heavy erection the buzzer sounded through the loft. Justin dropped his head back with a sigh. "Guess we should get that," he whispered mournfully.

Brian pushed himself to his knees and stood up next to the couch, bestowing one last parting squeeze to Justin's cock before heading to the door to buzz up the deliveryman. He heard a loud groan erupt from behind him and a thud as Justin dropped his feet to the floor. He smiled to himself, happiness surging inside him once again that Justin was back where he belonged. A moment later there was a knock on the metal door. Brian slid it open and made the exchange, keeping one eye turned towards his blonde lover and ignoring the interested looks he was receiving from the deliveryman. He turned back to the couch as he slid the door shut with a bang, setting the bag down on the coffee table.

Distracted now by the food, Justin leaned forward and starting taking everything out. Brian allowed the smile threatening to break across his face to surface in a quirk of his lips. He never did understand how such a lean young twink could consume so much food without so much as gaining a pound. The younger man never seemed to gain anything despite the countless carbs and sweets he indulged in. Brian usually loved to tease him about it, but after the last few days, it was a comfort to see something so normal and he simply indulged himself by watching the blonde.

Barely twenty minutes later, most of the food had been consumed and containers were strewn across the table. Justin groaned and tossed his napkin down, leaning back on the couch. He closed his eyes, intent on ignoring the uncomfortably full feeling he was currently enduring. After a few seconds he could feel Brian's penetrating stare on him and he popped an eye open. Brian had one eyebrow raised, a smirk on his lips. "That's not helping, you know." Justin pouted.

Brian's smirk widened. He reached out a hand. "C'mere Sunshine." Brian again slid his left leg against the back of the couch and gently pulled Justin closer, turning him so his back once again rested against his chest. Justin sighed. Content to have Justin in his arms, Brian rested his cheek on top of the blonde's head and slowly began to massage the sides of his stomach using the tips of his fingers.

Relaxing, Justin felt all the tension in his body recede. After a few minutes Justin broke the silence. "Bri?" he started tentatively.

"Hmm." Brian's motions didn't stop, didn't even pause.

Justin hesitated, before pushing on. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but we should really discuss what happened before I left." His voice was almost a whisper.

This time Brian paused, but he didn't stop. "What about it Justin?"

Nervously, Justin started twisting the fabric of his shirt. "About why we called off the wedding." His voice hitched midsentence and lowered to a soft whisper. He hated bringing up tense subjects with Brian. They both always somehow ended up hurt. But he knew they needed to talk about this, about why they had decided to not go through with it. His heart still ached over how they had left that particular aspect of their lives together. He had put on a bold front when they made the decision and told the rest of the family, but inside, he was constantly and desperately fighting the sadness that threatened to overwhelm him. He had wanted to marry Brian, the love of his life, so, so badly, to share his life with him under that commitment.

Brian's hands had stilled at Justin's sides, his fingers tense and unmoving. "What is there to talk about?" His voice was gruff, though not unkind.

"Don't do that," Justin implored quietly, "Let's just talk about this…please." His knuckles were turning white as they twisted his shirt in tight circles. He tried to turn his body so he could see Brian's face, but the older man held him firmly in place. "Brian? Please."

A puff of air blew over the top of his head, the hair fluffing out erratically. "Okay. What is it exactly that you want to discuss?" Brian clenched his jaw to avoid saying anything he'd regret.

"I guess we should start with the bachelor party." He paused. "And why you turned those guys down. It wasn't like you."

Brian took a deep breath. "Wasn't it? Justin, I had just told you I loved you for the first time recently, bought you a fucking mansion to prove it, and proposed. I mean, fuck! None of that was "like" me, but it doesn't mean it was insincere." He trailed off, swallowing to compose himself. "You are the most important person in my life. Why would I do any of those things except to make you happy, to see that sunshine smile. The bachelor party was tempting, I'll admit. I wasn't going to change overnight, but Justin, we were celebrating our upcoming wedding. Why the fuck would I have jeopardized that for a trick?" He stopped, unable to go on, a lump stuck in his throat.

Justin had tears in his eyes. His voice was raspy when he asked, "and the cuddling? What was that?"

Brian curled his lips inside his mouth, struggling to come up with the words to explain. His arms slid around Justin's waist to pull him closer to his body and he rested his forehead on his younger lover's shoulder.

"Brian?" Justin prompted, trying to turn towards the older man again, but was held fast by the rigid bindings of Brian's arms.

"I don't know if I can explain that in the same way."

"Then don't. Just explain to me why you said it. What made you think that was what I wanted from you?"

"I don't know exactly. I guess I was– I didn't want to lose you. I suppose I figured if I didn't act any different with you, you would always think I was the same Brian, that I wouldn't hesitate to fuck you and move on to someone else, to fuck around on you. I know I told you when I proposed that I couldn't promise monogamy, but I still wanted to try to trick less. I guess I thought that if I could show you I wasn't the same, that I could change, appreciate you more than I had in the past, that you would trust me more. But that backfired completely…because instead of trusting me more, you rejected what we were moving towards."

By then, big hot drops of tears were streaming down Justin's cheeks. He sniffled, lifting a hand to wipe his eyes. He felt utterly miserable and stupid. Why did they always have to live by big dramatic moments? Why couldn't they talk like normal people and figure things out before they got way out of hand? His breath felt heavy in his chest, almost like he couldn't move the air properly.

"Justin, Sunshine, you need to breathe." Brian carded his fingers through the silky blonde strands. "Come on," he urged, stroking his other hand down Justin's side hoping to calm him down.

Justin struggled to control his breathing, fighting to take a deep breath, but only managing small swift inhales. He couldn't seem to take in enough air and he was feeling panicky and light-headed.

"Come on, Sunshine," Brian said, moving so Justin's legs fell to the floor. He pushed Justin over until he was bent in half, head between his knees. "Breathe, Justin! Deep breaths." Brian himself now was feeling particularly panicked. He'd been through this with Justin before after nightmares and encounters with large crowds after the bashing, but this time he couldn't pinpoint exactly what had prompted this.

Taking in more air, Justin was able to get his breath back and sit up, hands braced on his knees. Tears were still streaming down his face when he heard Brian speaking to him. "Justin? Feeling any better?" He jerked his head to the side in a negative motion, unable to verbalize anything at that moment. Justin forced himself to breathe deeply so he could sit up fully. As soon as he was able, he spun towards Brian and launched himself at his older lover, desperately wrapping his arms around his neck, silent sobs still wracking his slender frame.

Brian immediately returned his embrace, rubbing his back. "Justin?" He really needed Justin to talk to him. He was scaring him with how emotionally wrecked he seemed.

"I'm sorry," Justin burst out, "So sorry, Brian. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." He was mumbling into Brian's neck.

"Sorry for what Justin? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I knew you loved me, that you had cared about me for a long time. I've trusted you since the night I met you and suddenly, we're about to get married and that flew out the window. I didn't even try to talk to you! I just assumed I knew and didn't let you explain. I'm so sorry Brian." The words tumbled out amidst more sobs, his grip on Brian's neck unrelenting. "We could have been married by now…and happy."

"We _are_ happy Sunshine. After everything we've been through, we're finally happy. So what if we didn't get married? You still know how I feel about you, that I want you no matter what. Justin, you need to calm down."

The next few minutes were spent trying to calm his breathing, taking deep breaths and forcing back the sobs that wanted to escape. He had never meant to react so drastically.

This was meant to be a simple conversation to figure out what had gone wrong in those last weeks, not…whatever it had turned into. The guilt he was currently feeling was nearly unmatched, only equaled by how badly he had hurt Brian when he had abandoned their rules and left him for Ethan. The problem now was, he hadn't realized how badly the wedding thing had hurt Brian until now. The guilt back then had been overwhelming because he knew he was hurting Brian and he hated that. This time though, the fact that he was finding out how badly he'd hurt his partner long after it had happened was paralyzing him. He felt ashamed of himself and angry for hurting Brian, and sad that they hadn't worked things out then.

With his breathing finally under control and the tears stopped, Justin slowly pulled back from Brian, the shame he was feeling emanating from him in waves. He looked up into the worried eyes of his lover. "I'm sorry Brian, for hurting you again. I should have just talked to you about it."

"There's nothing to apologize about. It's over and done with. We're here now, together, and that's fine." He gently stroked his thumbs over the blonde's tear-streaked cheeks, wiping away the remnants of his crying jag and pressing a light kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Do you think we would have gotten married if I hadn't reacted so badly?" Justin inquired timidly.

"You can't think like that."

"But-"

"No! Justin, you can't. If we did that, we could what-if ourselves all the way back to the night we met. What if, after the hospital, you went home? What then? The following five years never would have happened. But you did come home with me, just like we called off the wedding. It's in the past Justin." Brian internally cringed at how harsh he sounded, but if he allowed Justin to keep on that vein of thought, they would never get out of it. He needed Justin to see where they were right then, happy and living together, and in love with each other.

Justin's eyes still looked so sad, pools of swirling blue conflicted with guilt. "But Brian," he tried again.

"No Justin, " Brian murmured, pulling his young emotional lover to his chest. "If you still want to get married, I'm not opposed to that. After I committed myself to the idea of marrying you, there was never anything I wanted more. We're not fucking straight people, but we can still make a commitment to each other." He stroked Justin's hair back from his face, smiling. "You tell me you still want to get hitched and I'll go pull out the rings. If that's what you want, we can still do this right."

It was like a light had filled the room. A smile broke across Justin's face so big Brian felt the need to squint just to look him in the face. "Really?" he asked, his voice so soft, it was almost silent.

Brian stared him in the eyes and nodded. "Marry me, Justin." Justin's eyes were shining now with happy tears, a blue so bright, they resembled the vibrant ocean waters of the Caribbean. Justin surged towards Brian, sealing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Brian cupped Justin's cheeks tenderly, kissing him back with just as much eagerness and zeal coursing through his veins.

Separating fractionally, Brian looked into Justin's eyes. "So my prince, was that a yes?"

Justin giggled and nodded, whispering, "yes" before kissing Brian again. Brian smiled into it.

Settling into the heated press of lips, Brian drifted back, pulling Justin down so the smaller man was on top of him. The blonde fell into his larger frame just as easily as he always did, every bit of their bodies touching as possible, eager hands wandering, stroking, claiming. Brian swept his hand up Justin's side, caressing the soft skin and bunching his shirt as he moved higher. He swallowed the gasp that exploded from Justin's mouth as he stroked a thumb over the blonde's sensitive nipple.

These simple moments with Brian were Justin's favorite, the ones where being together was entirely effortless and comfortable. He loved that they were so familiar with each other's bodies and habits, and though Brian had always feared monotony when it came to being with the same person over and over again, Justin knew that with them that would never be a problem. Their life together was only made better because of the intimate knowledge they had of each other. Just as Brian knew that Justin's nipples were a weak point, Justin knew the places on his older lover's body that provoked the most responses, besides his cock of course. To return the torment of having his nipples played with and to avoid coming as Brian continued to caress and pinch at them, Justin slid down Brian's body, sucking and nipping his way down until he reached his naval.

With a smirk up at Brian's mildly surprised face, Justin turned his attention to his lover's stomach, lapping at the skin surrounding his naval and eventually darting his tongue into it. Brian groaned as Justin proceeded to give the area a noteworthy tongue fucking, throwing his head back and tunneling his fingers into Justin's hair. Just as Brian began rocking his hips upward, Justin pulled away and climbed off the couch. Brian jerked his head up and looked at him with confusion, lust darkening his eyes. "Where are you going?"

Right then, Justin pulled the waistband of his sweats away from his body and shucked them to the ground, stepping out of them as he lifted his shirt off and over his head, tossing it to the floor behind him. His lips were turned up in a small smile, though his face looked serious. He slowly cast his underwear to the ground on top of his sweats and looked almost desperately at Brian. It was amazing how much he wanted this man, how much he could feel the desire pounding through his blood.

Brian, staring back at Justin, lifted his hips off the cushion and dragged off his own pants, abandoning them on the floor beside Justin's. He broke their gaze only long enough to pull his wife beater over his head and held out a hand to Justin.

The blonde gladly placed his smaller hand into Brian's and allowed himself to be pulled back to the couch and onto the older man's lap. He situated his legs on either side of Brian's, straddling him, and ground down into the now jutting erection beneath him, a moan falling from his lips. "Brian, " he sighed out, leaning back in for a kiss.

A groan echoed back at him as Brian's hands fell to his hips, pressing him down and crushing him to his body. As one hand slipped back and lightly caressed his crack, Justin whimpered and broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Bri, please," he panted, pushing his hips back against the restless fingers.

Brian grinned and used his other hand to reach for a condom and the bottle of lube they kept under the couch cushions, his cock pulsing impatiently beneath Justin's ass. He popped the cap and squirted the gel onto his fingers, bringing them to Justin's opening. "Ready Sunshine?" A harsh nod and tightening of the fingers gripping his shoulders was the only answer he received. Brian teasingly circled his entrance, eventually pressing in with one, then two as Justin's whimpers increased. Justin rocked against the probing fingers then, seemingly desperate to have them inside him. As the tight heat finally engulfed and accepted the third digit, Brian wiggled his fingers in search of his sweet spot. The harsh gasp and dropping of Justin's head to Brian's shoulder was all he needed to tell that his younger lover was ready.

Beads of sweat dripped down Justin's back, his body tense in anticipation. He groaned sadly as Brian retracted his fingers, leaving him empty. His eyes flashed wildly, seeking Brian's, desperate to have him back inside, to have some part of him. "Please," he breathed, fumbling around for the condom Brian had left on the seat next to them earlier, growing more frustrated when Brian gently took it from him and simply held it. His hips were rocking infinitesimally against the body under him, his breath coming in heavy pants. "Brian" He whimpered, a plea.

"Shhh….Justin." Brian stroked a finger down the side of his cheek. "We have all the time in the world." Justin was beautiful like this, so flushed and sweaty, so full of lust he couldn't stifle the needy whimpers and pleas that fell from his swollen lips. Brian loved that Justin needed him so much, loved when he became desperate for the joining of their bodies, and usually he would gladly give in right away and fuck the perfect bubble butt through whatever surface was nearest. This time however, he wanted them to take it more slowly, a first for him. After the last failed engagement between them, this moment was pivotal to their – dare he say relationship, a moment he never wanted either of them to forget.

Justin nodded, a beaming smile splitting his face in understanding.

Brian muttered, "Sentimental twat," but couldn't deny he was feeling the same way, pleased with the change in his own attitude since he first met the persistent little twink. Opening the condom packet and sliding the rubber over his throbbing shaft, he handed Justin the lube. The blonde immediately coated him in the gel and leaned into Brian's chest, opening himself more fully.

Brian grasped Justin's ass cheeks, kneading and separating them to allow himself access.

Justin sucked in a breath and buried his forehead in Brian's neck as the brunette finally, finally, buried himself inside, releasing the air only when his lover was embedded completely inside. "God, you feel amazing."

Brian's hand came up to clasp the back of Justin's neck, holding him close as he began moving his hips, the other wrapped possessively around his lower back. Justin thrust back against him, the steady motion building between them, the heat pulsing in their veins and their skin, the rhythms of their hearts and their hips bringing them closer to their peaks.

Justin reached behind him, pulling Brian's larger hand around to rest between them, twining their fingers together and clutching at him, yearning to somehow still be closer. In the final moments before they both fell over the edge into mind-numbing pleasure, they moved their hands together on Justin's cock to bring him that much closer.

Brian had moved to cup the side of Justin's neck and his cheek, leaning in to caress the blonde's lips with this own and stare into his eyes as they rocked in tandem.

Their sweat-slicked bodies moved erratically against each other, Brian thrusting just hard enough to continually hit Justin's sweet spot and still maintain the slower pace they had desired. Before either of them realized they were going to, they reached their peaks, first Justin crying out against Brian's mouth and slumping forward, and then Brian, a low groan escaping as his grip on Justin's fingers momentarily tightened.

Justin squeezed back and clenched his inner muscles, grinning through his exhaustion when Brian jumped mildly in reaction. "Thank you," Justin murmured, nuzzling Brian's cheek and pressing light kisses to his lips.

Befuddled, Brian pulled his head back. "What for?"

Justin smiled. "For giving us another chance. For asking me to marry you again even though marriage was never something you wanted to begin with."

"Justin, I told you–"

"I know," Justin interrupted, holding a finger to Brian's lips. "But still, thank you. I love you so much Brian."

A half smile graced Brian's face. "Love you too," he managed, knowing that the words would make Justin even happier, and strangely, the words were getting just a bit easier for him to say as time went on. It helped that his reward was usually one of his lover's sunshine smiles. "Let's go clean up."

Justin nodded and lifted himself off of Brian's lap, wincing as he was once more left empty. He waited for his older lover to stand and discard the condom, and then grabbed his hand, pulling him along into the shower behind him.

Not too much later, both men climbed out of the glass stall and dried off, going into the bedroom to find new clothes. Justin unearthed some new sweats and one of Brian's t-shirts, pulling them on and clambering into the middle of the bed. He sat entranced, watching his lover move around the room and dress, muscles rippling under the skin causing Justin's mouth to water.

As Brian turned around, Justin met his gaze. Brian looked hesitant, even timid. "Bri?" Justin questioned, reaching a hand out to him in invitation. Brian accepted, climbing onto the bed alongside the blonde, though much more gracefully than the younger man had managed before. The brunette sat facing Justin on the mattress. "What?" Justin could tell something was off.

Brian shook his head, and with a modest half smile, reached into his pocket. Ducking his head a bit bashfully, he pulled it out along with something Justin never thought he'd see again. Tears immediately rushed to his eyes. "Oh!" he whispered. "You kept them?" He accepted the little velvet box from Brian. Tentatively ghosting his fingers over the surface before opening it, Justin savored this moment, hoping this would be the last moment like this in his life, that this proposal, this marriage they were heading into would be the last step they took in their partnership, and that nothing would separate them.

Snapping the lid open, Justin stared happily, if a bit tearfully, into the little box. "They're as beautiful as ever…You're sure about this Brian?"

Brian glared. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Justin blushed. "Sorry."

"Better," Brian affirmed, reclaiming the box from his partner's hands and closing it, setting it aside. He moved to sprawl on his side on the bed, dragging Justin down with him. Lying side by side, Brian had the chance to stare into Justin's face. What he found was something he never thought he'd deserve or want, but here and now, there was nothing and no one he wanted more. This man was everything to him, everything he never knew he needed and he didn't want to waste a moment. "I guess I was wrong Sunshine."

"About what?" Justin was steadily wiggling his way closer to his older lover's body and the warmth and comfort he emanated, but he stopped to listen.

Brian offered a smile. "About a lot of things. Not believing in love or marriage or you to name a couple. But what I mean right now is, it isn't just time. I'm glad you came back, because now that I've got you, I refuse to waste even a moment of time without you." He brushed Justin's bangs off his face.

The blinding smile that met his declaration was worth every lesbionic word he uttered.

* * *

And that's it! I hope you enjoyed it!

I'm thinking Justin and Brian might both be a little out of character in this chapter, but I'm hoping it works.

Let me know what you think of that and the developments in this chapter. I'd love to hear what you think!

Thanks for reading!


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